The Icon Alchemist (sky_dark) wrote,
The Icon Alchemist
sky_dark

Good Clean Fun

I have been participating in the FMAKINKMEME. I just couldn't let this prompt get away from me.

Title:  Good Clean Fun
Rating: PG 13
Spoilers: None
 Pairing: Ling/Ed
The Prompt was:  Ed's enjoying a nice bubble bath when the door flies open and Ling decides to join him.  This was not originally my prompt.  [info] feriowind drew a little two panel comic for the prompt, then asked for help to complete it.  I wrote the story, supplied the dialogue and she supplied the five panel comic for the first part of the story! 

 

I heard the most amazing thing from your brother downstairs," the xingian prince said, rubbing his chin and then leaning against the doorway. "The rumor was you were up here wet and naked, but seeing as I'm a suspicious sort by nature I thought I'd have to confirm that with my own eyes. I'm not saying that Alphonse would mislead me deliberately. It's such a convenient time of day for a bath and of course, it's so nice of you to provide. I think all the rumors about the lack of hospitality in this country are completely unfounded." Then the prince pushed off the door frame and advanced toward the tub, shedding his clothing as he came.

 Ed must have been rendered speechless by the prince's wit and beauty because he sat there with his jaw flapping but not a sound came forth. Or perhaps, the prince thought, he was doing some adorable fish imitation for the prince's amusement and well that just had to be rewarded.

He toed off his slippers as he reached the tub and lifted a foot to climb into the tub when Ed came out of his 'star-struck-by-the-prince's-loveliness' stance. His jaw worked again, only this time he was able to engage his vocal chords.

"THE FUCK? NO YOU DON'T, DON'T YOU PUT ONE TOE IN THIS BATH, GET OUT, GET OUT, NO PRINCES IN THE BATH EVEN IF YOU SMELL AND YOU DO SMELL AND WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING JUST COMING IN HERE LIKE THIS AND
IF AL JUST LET YOU WALTZ UP HERE I'M GOING TO SHOVE HIS METAL HELMET UP HIS METAL ASS," Ed screamed and the prince paused, eyebrows lifted, foot in the air. Ed took a moment to pant. Ling kept looking at him, as if waiting for him to continue. When he didn't, Ling put his foot into the tub.

"WHAT ARE YOUR ROYAL EARS NOT WORKING, DON'T YOU COME ANY FURTHER YOU FUCKING PERVERT I KEEP TELLING YOU I'M NOT A WOMAN AND YOU KEEP NOT LISTENING TO ME WELL NOW YOU'VE SEEN THE EMPIRICAL PROOF WITH YOUR VERY
EYES SO GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!" Ed yelled some more and the prince paused again with the same serenely and yet anticipatory look on his face. Ed could see through his evil scheme now; the prince was going to make him yell so much he was going to pass out from lack of oxygen then the prince was going to steal his bath and/or his virtue, either one was bad enough.

The prince, in his incessantly cheerful way, then quickly put his other foot in the tub and sat down, all in one flawless motion and so quickly Ed didn't have time to draw the breath for another scream. Now they sat face to face in the tub and there was no denying the time for screaming was over.

When sheer volume failed to work, Ed usually switched to hissing sarcasm.

"Are you comfy?" he asked the prince, low and evil and the prince nodded with a lot of enthusiasm and made to lean back against the tub but having to lean a little to the left to keep from hitting the faucet.

"I have grown rather fond of the confines of the amestrian bathing tubs. I find that they are cozy and while not quite as esoteric as the bathing pools I am use to with their waterfalls and floating flora and many, many servants, they do serve the purpose of getting one's self clean and even afford relaxation. Did you want to wash my feet?" and the prince held up one foot and wiggled his toes.

Ed grabbed his ankle and the prince's smile grew wide, then Ed grabbed his other ankle, then Ed lifted his legs out of the water, then Ed gave a savage yank and the prince's naked ass slid on porcelain and the prince went under.

"LET'S SEE YOU NINJA YOURSELF OUT OF THIS," Ed screamed, because Ling was under water and might not hear him otherwise. The Ed got a ninja foot to the face and he reeled back and the prince got his hands on the bottom of the tub and shoved himself upright, sputtering.

Ling's hair was plastered to his face in such a way that no real facial features were visible and Ed hand a hand over his mouth and nose, so it really looked like a face off between a 'speak-no-evil' monkey and a yeti.

Ling lifted his hands slowly and parted his hair and Ed tried to grimace at him but there were tiny tears in the corners of his eyes and he couldn't bring himself to uncover his smarting nose.

"You have very strange courtship rituals here. I'm told that sometimes  a near death experience while having sex is extremely stimulating, but it defeats the purpose in before having sex because it makes your potential suitor suspicious," the prince huffed.

"It does? GOOD," Ed said, muffled by his hand. "I've proven my treachery, you can GET OUT now."

"You don't want me to get out," the prince said, scooting around in the tub and getting up on his knees.

"Yes I do, I want you to get out and put your clothes back on because you better not let Al see you naked, then I want you to go out the door and down the hall, down the steps and out the front door and onto the street, where you belong," Ed said, nodding.

"No you don't," the prince said confidently, "you just think I'm not making enough of an effort to woo you. What you really want me to do is stay and tell you just how lovely you are while wet and naked. I apologize for my over site, I didn't think you were that sensitive, but that should teach me not to judge a book by it's cover; although your cover is very appetizing," and then the prince scooted a little closer, still on his knees.

"No," Ed said slowly, "I want you to think that I want you to go away because really, I do. Ok, you know what? Fuck it, never mind, you win, enjoy your bath," and Ed pushed up and made to turn on his side so he could crawl out of the tub. But the prince made a mournful gasp and pretty much tacked him and he got squished up against the back of the tub with the prince straddling his hips to keep him in place. Ed then because aware of a few things he'd been distracted from previously by all his screaming.

He was naked. Ling was naked. They were in the tub together and at this point they were very, very close, you could even call it touching. And Ed also became aware that some part of Ling was now nudging against his stomach and with that realization he tried to suck his stomach in hard to enough to make himself implode, but that wasn't working. His never failing ability to scream any situation into submission suddenly realized that it could, indeed, fail and fail it did because he didn't quiet believe his voice was his own voice the next he spoke.

"You're touching me," he squeaked and he almost slapped a hand back over his mouth to keep that voice from ever coming through his lips again.

"I know," the prince purred, "it's very exciting."

"It is?" Ed said, trying to sink down into the tub, but that served it's own logistical problem. First, it was filled with water and the drowning potential was high and second, and perhaps more important fact was that the more he scooted down the further up the touching got.

Ling didn't seem put off however, in fact he leaned down, sensing there was only so far Ed could go before going underwater.

"Hey, come on, joke's over," Ed tried, plastering on a fake grin. "Ha, ha, you got me, you can let me up now."

But Ling seemed to be studying him a little more intensely, the smile, while still there was somewhat more subdued and he leaned even further down until their noses almost touched.

"What is it you desire in a lover?" the prince asked softly, there close to his face. "I find that with the right provocation I'm a malleable sort, which is saying something for a prince. What does it take to arouse Edward Elric? The very fact I'm reduced to asking should go to show you just how sincere I am in my efforts, not to mention how I'm humbling myself, because after all, you are a commoner."

Ed opened his mouth, trying to sort out if that was an insult or not and when he left it open a second to long it was suddenly covered.

Ed has seen kissing in his lifetime. He'd seen random people on the street kiss, he'd seen couples in movies in theaters kiss, (that was when the movie usually got ho-hum boring and Al had to shush him) but he'd never been an active or willing participant in any kiss himself. And even now he didn't seem to be breaking his 'not kissed' record, but he didn't know how to participate and he was pretty damn sure he wasn't willing. So he flailed; he flailed a lot and he managed to clunk the prince right in his temple with his automail arm, (and it was SO an accident).

Then the prince wasn't kissing him anymore, in fact the prince seem to be face down in Ed's own lap. If that wasn't weird enough because of Ed's nakedness, his lap was underwater. After a moment or two it finally dawned on Ed that Ling couldn't really breath underwater no matter what he claimed so he flipped him over and peered down into his face.

"Hey, hey Ling," he shook his shoulder a little, "are you faking?" But if the prince was faking he was doing a damn fine job. But then again the prince was a damn fine actor and had proven it on many occasion by tricking Ed into many and various misdeeds. Ed shook him again, but the prince just lay there, propped up now in Ed's lap, his black hair floating around him like an oil slick.

Ed wasn't sure what the penalty would be for killing royalty, even if it was an accident. It was probably pretty bad and the colonel would probably be pretty pissed, too. And he started to feel kind of bad. Ling was a pest. A confusing, annoying, clusterfuck of contradictions; an arrogant spoiled royal fuck. But he was always there. He said things that made Ed feel strange. Ed knew he could trust Ling to cover his back in a fight. And he did feel bad about hitting him, he hadn't meant to; if he was truthful to himself he kind of liked the attention.

Maybe he should yell for Al, Al would know what to do, Al took care of things like kittens and himself and Al would know what to do, but as he opened his mouth to yell the prince let out a low moan and raised his hand to rub at his temple.

Ling opened his eyes slowly, looked up at Ed for a few moments, looking unfocused and confused.

"You tried to kill me," the prince said slowly, reaching up to grip the sides of the tub and pull himself upright.

"No! No that was an accident," Ed said, putting his hands under Ling's shoulders to help him up. "And what the fuck? You were trying to kiss me, I call that justifiable homicide!"

Ling got upright, turned to face Ed again but scooted to the far end of the tub. He had his hand pressed to the temple Ed had bludgeoned and for the first time Ed could remember, he wasn't smiling; his mouth was pulled down on both sides.

"If this is the way you treat all your friends and potential lovers then you will die and old, sad, lonely man," the prince said and rubbed his temple a little in emphasis. "I was only trying to show you some appreciation and affection, I was only attracted to you and this is how you appreciate such things, I see."

"What? No, wait, you were trying to...LOOK, I didn't mean to hit you in the head, but what was I suppose to do?! Your lips were... touching me you were touching me and I didn't say you could...does it hurt bad?" Ed sort of bit on his lower lip. "I mean, you're ok aren't you? How many fingers am I holding up?" And Ed displayed two metal digits.

"That is a novel hand gesture," Ling said, still not smiling, "usually you use other fingers; only it's the second finger in and to count to two you'd have to do it with each hand."

"I don't know what you're so steamed about," Ed said, shifting uncomfortably, really wishing the bastard would stop looking so frowny. It wasn't like him and it surprised Ed he gave a damn at all. "I didn't meant to do it and you know I didn't. It's not like you didn't get what was coming to you; putting your lips where your lips aren't suppose to be. I said I was sorry."

"No you didn't," Ling said, bringing his hand down finally and crossing his arms. "You said you didn't meant to, you said it was an accident, you called it justifiable, but now, finally, you've said you were sorry. I have a good mind not to forgive you this time, in fact, I won't," and the prince unfolded his arms, put his hands on the side of the tub and made to push up so he could get out.

"What...Ling!" Ed found himself moving forward, reaching to put his hand on Ling's arm and stop him. "Why are you being like this? You're the one who came in here uninvited... just stop it already and sit back down!"

"You're inviting me to join you?" the prince said slowly.

Ed blinked for a moment then seemed to mull it over, in the meantime he didn't release Ling's arm, and finally he took a deep breath and said: "Yes". No more, no less and he slowly released Ling's arm.

"How gracious of you, I knew you had it in you," Ling said, grin reappearing as he settled himself back down.

"Just don't tell anyone else I had it in me," Ed pushed wet hair back from his face, settled back and drew his knees up, wrapping his arms around them. He figured this was enough barrier between himself and the prince's lips.



 


Tags: fic
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